


Building Up

by WulfKry



Series: Cold, Unbearable Cold [3]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, He's a broken man, Hearing Voices, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Self Harm, im sorry i love angst, self hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:57:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8196803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WulfKry/pseuds/WulfKry
Summary: Tom can see Tord faltering, he knows that he isn't sure, that he's not sure what happens to Tom but knows that it's bad.
So Tom speaks up.
"I don't think."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Would you look at that- more

 

When they arrive home Matt has food ready for the lot, and Edd sets down a brown bag on the counter.

 

"What's in the bag?"

 

Matt's about to look through, his curiosity getting the better of him, when Edd pushes his hand away.

 

"It's Tom's meds"

 

A simple sentence, but it makes Matt go silent and return to the food.

 

\--

 

Tom eats the food, only because Tord is actively shoving it in his mouth and making him chew.

Tord's a champ at this by now.

Edd suggests giving him a cup o water to go with the meds. And Tord considers it, agrees, and works on getting Tom to down the pills.

 

_'You're useless'_

_'See their having to feed you like a baby'_

_'They think your insane'_

_'They're giving you pills like you're in an asylum'_

 

"I'm sorry"

 

Tom speaks again, and looks to Tord. The Norwegian's holding a glass of water in one hand and Tom's jaw in another.

 

"It's ok Tom, just work on drinking this water"

 

_'They hate you'_

_'You're disgusting'_

_'God you're useless, can't even feed yourself'_

 

"I'm sorry"

 

Tom responds, not looking Tord in the eye, but drinking the liquid.

Tord picks Tom up and carries him to bed. Rubbing his thighs the entire time.

 

"It's alright Tom"

 

\--

 

A few mornings after Tom wakes up and yawns.

He looks around, his movements lethargic and slow. He's cold, nearly freezing, so he curls closer to the warmth that lays beside him and sleeps.

 

\--

 

Tord wakes up first, glad to see Tom still asleep. He lets him rest and gets up to make some breakfast.

 

\--

 

Tom wakes up to the smell of bacon and eggs. He's still cold and tired. But he's also hungry. So he tries to get himself up. Sitting up and turning his legs to the side, he presses his feet to the ground and pushes off the bed.

Tom's first step is shaky and is immediately followed by a fall.

He hears footsteps coming his way and he grows colder. Afraid of what they'll say.

 

_'Can't even walk'_

_'How pathetic'_

_'God your unbearable'_

_'They all hate you'_

 

Tom whispers a weak I'm sorry to whoever has walked in the room. A red hoodie wraps his arms around Tom and carries him into the living room.

Tord sets Tom on the couch, flipping on a silly cartoon for Tom. Even though he doubts Tom will watch.

He finishes up breakfast and moves the food to the couch. Grabs a spoonful of eggs and moves it to Tom's mouth.

Tom looks to Tord and the spoon and tries to grab the spoon himself, surprising Tord greatly. He smiles and helps Tom eat his food, later handing him a glass of orange juice and his meds.

 

"You're getting better Tom"

 

Tom looks to Tord, scooching closer to his warmth and breaths out. Letting the warmth of Tord keep the cold at bay.

Tom tries to form words other than I'm sorry, but he can't seem to remember any more at that moment.

 

\--

 

They visit the doctor again, this time Tom is leaning against Tord and walking himself.

It's only been a couple of weeks and Tom can't walk on his own yet, months of being carried around making his legs weak and useless.

Tord sits in the same chair as last time, Tom scrambling to sit in the chair next to it.

 

"So, it appears he is doing better, yes?"

"Yea, he started trying eating on his own and trying to walk."

 

Tom looks from Tord to Dr. Mathony. He's confused, unsure of what's happening, but trying to pay attention anyways.

 

"Due to how long he has gone without use of his legs I doubt he'll be able to walk on his own for awhile"

"But he's trying and that's good"

"Indeed"

 

Tord looks to Tom, who is studying the desk Dr. Mathony stands at. Tom shifts his gaze to match Tord's and offers him a weak smile. Tord smiles back.

 

"Now if I may"

 

Tom shifts his gaze to the doctor.

 

"What brought on this 'episode'?"

 

Tom begins to feel the cold seep in, reaches for the flask in his pocket when he realizes that he hasn't seen the flask in months.

Dr. Mathony and Tord notice Tom's movement. Tord reaches for and grabs Tom's hand. Looks in his eye and says the thing Tom knew he'd say.

 

"No"

"No?" The doctor questions. "What is it he's trying to do?"

 

Tord is hesitant, unsure if he should share this or not, he does anyways. Casting a apologetic glance to Tom before continuing.

 

"He was reaching for his flask"

"Alcohol?"

"... Y-yes he, he's an alcoholic- or was we.. Try and keep him away from the stuff."

"Why?"

"W-well.. Um"

 

Tom can see Tord faltering, he knows that Tord isn't sure, that he doesn't know what happens to Tom but knows that it's bad.

So Tom speaks up

 

"I don't think"

 

Tord glances at Tom, surprised to see him talking.

 

"Hmm? How do you mean?"

 

Dr. Mathony continues the conversation like this is normal.

 

"When I drink I don't think, about what I'm doing about how I'm feeling. About anything."

 

Tom pauses, trying to think of how to phrase it.

 

"I- I get cold. I'm not sure why but- whenever I'm afraid I get cold and, beer keeps me warm, keeps the cold at bay but. I don't think, at all I just do. I- I do, bad things.."

 

Tom looks at Tord, who's face is unreadable.

 

"What kind of bad things"

 

Dr. Mathony is watching in interest, waiting patiently for Tom to continue.

 

"I... I grab a k-knife and I. I put it to my-y thighs and-"

 

Tord grabs the Brits other hand and rubs. Warmth spreading from his touch like spilt milk. Keeping the cold at bay. The fear.

 

"I see. You might need something more then just the meds you currently have."

 

Tom looks from Tord to the doctor. Fear consuming him again, the cold gripping at his skin, trying to root in him again.

 

"Can I ask what brought this on?"

 

Silence takes the room, the cold pressing harder at Tom. Desperately waiting for Tord to let go, for the warmth protecting him to disappear.

 

"I'd thought I had, that I'd- ki-k-"

"He thought he'd killed someone. It was in self defense"

 

Tord looks at Tom and he can't breath anymore. He knew, he knew what Tom thought that Tom had kil- that-

 

"It was eating him up... The fact that he was a murderer. Thankfully, the man wasn't dead."

 

Tom couldn't stop looking at Tord, he was cold- oh so cold. Tord's warmth keeping his lower arms warmer then the rest of him. Tom was crying.

 

"I see. How long had he been dealing with it like that?"

 

This time Tom spoke, voice weak but certain.

 

"Two years"

 

And Tord felt tears roll down his cheek. He hadn't known that, had he would've come back sooner. Not when- not when Tom was almost gone.

 

"Extensive periods of time with an unhealthy habit make giving up that habit harder. I suggest looking up less harmful ways to deal with it"

 

Tom nods but keeps looking at Tord. Tord pulls him up and helps him walk out the door to the car, where Edd is patiently waiting to pick the two up. Tord pulls Tom on top of him, fully intending to never let go.

 

\--

 

It had been 4 months since that visit, Tom was gradually getting better. He became strong enough to walk on his own, to eat on his own. Though he'd picked up the habit of holding Tord's hand like a lifeline. Especially when he got cold. And he still got cold, it was how he worked. Whenever fear reared its ugly head he got cold and held onto Tord.

Tord who is always warm.

He still had episodes, he'd wake up and the glazed look would shadow his features, and Tord would be there helping him through. Tom would count and say I'm sorry and Tord would listen.

The next day it would be like it the episode had never transpired.

And when Tom thought of drinking, when he felt the urge to not think. He looked to Tord and kissed him, hugged him. Tom let his warmth spread like a fog.

 A much better habit.

**Author's Note:**

> I do hope I come up with more ideas for this- I really like this series. anywho hope you enjoy it
> 
> my tumblr is @  
> Rock-candy-and-stratus-clouds.tumblr.com if you wanna send in some Fic requests


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